CT (Compliment Time) +CNB (Checks and Balances) = TI (True Intimacy)


Our differences attract us to each other but they also have the potential to break us apart.  "Why don't they drive correctly?"  "I am the only one who handles the finances correctly."  "They're not....disciplining the kids right, loading the dishwasher correctly or respecting me...etc etc"

We must stop pointing out their wrongs because they're not like us and focus on their "rights" and why we were attracted to them in the first place.

One young couple I worked with came up with an evening routine:

  • CT and CNB
  • CT = Compliment time.  Each shared something positive they had noticed that day or a character trait they appreciated about the other.
  • CNB = Checks and balances.  Is there something they should discuss?  A concern, an opinion or misunderstanding?   
  • Prayer - They ended their time together by praying together and for each other.

Previous to coming in to see me, they had grown apart and infidelity invaded the bedroom.  After this was discovered and threatened to break up their marriage, they began to recognize the pattern of differences changing from attraction to attack mode.  Fortunately, in counseling, they learned communication skills and came up with CT and CNB.

Take this Marriage Challenge:  - how many things can you comment on today and every day that you like about your partner?  Then, take a page from what worked for this couple - every day try this formula:  CT+CNB = TI (True Intimacy)