Surviving the Holidays
Unmet Expectations – It’s a Set-Up!
I’ve been waiting a loooooooooong 4 minutes in the McDonald’s drive through. Four minutes, and I’m getting mad at McDonald’s! Two cars in front of me, several bags of hamburgers, fries and drinks have transferred from the drive-through window to the cars, and I’ve become the prosecutor in a silent trial with the dashboard clock my star witness.
Four minutes – I don’t remember waiting so long at a McDonald’s – it seems forever! And after all, all I want is a cup of coffee, black — I expected much quicker service from Mickey D’s!
I need my coffee - right now!
As I pull away from the window, I realize the absurdity of my fuming thoughts – Four minutes, really? I’ve spent that much time debating over which pair of earrings to wear. My expectations of McDonald’s (and truth be told, many other places, people and situations) have gotten a bit unrealistic.
When that happens, it’s a set-up for a let-down.
During the holiday season, it’s easy to experience unmet expectations. We set ourselves up for a let-down when we add, add, add things to our already busy schedules. It’s like my college professor who challenged his students, many of whom were working full time and attending classes in the evening: “Now that you’ve taken this on, what have you taken out of your schedule?” That was a wake-up call for me; I just expected to fit it all in, I suppose.
Without realizing it, we might expect a Norman Rockwell painting of the perfect family gathering – there will be warm bonding experiences and all the food will be delicious. But then the arguments start; there’s the empty chair where Grandmother used to sit, and we miss the kids because they’re at the “other” house this holiday,
We’ve just been set up for a let-down.
It’s no wonder, then, that we find ourselves participating in a Holiday trial of Happy Expectations vs. Reality 101 where everyone winds up being sentenced to a couple of months in Stress Prison.
What are we to do?
• Remember what’s important – what’s the real “Reason for the Season?”
• What are we going to cut out because we’ve added something on?
• Ecclesiastes 3 says there’s a time to weep and a time to laugh. Give yourself permission to do both at this holiday season.
• Set a holiday budget and don’t be “guilted” into exceeding it.
I remember one Christmas when our son was about 5. Money was tight, and we had saved just enough to buy him a new bicycle for his gift. However, on Christmas morning, our eager anticipation was deflated, as he ran to the tree and exclaimed, “Is that all? He was expecting many packages to open and even though we knew his bicycle was worth more than all the little things, he was patently disappointed. Then, of course, we felt guilty because we wouldn’t be awarded the “best parents of the year” award — an un-stated, unrealistic expectation we parents often place on ourselves.
As adults, we may not say that out loud, but sometimes I think that’s our internal dialogue. “Is that all there is? I’ve scrimped and saved and prepared for THIS?” “Is that all? I expected more.”
When we get over-stressed, and our expectations are not met, it’s indeed a set-up for a let-down. Let’s remember to keep things realistic, set limits for ourselves and others and “Count our blessings, name them one by one!.”