happiness

HOW DO YOU HANDLE "ONE OF THOSE DAYS?"

How Do You handle “One of those days?”

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A three hour traffic jam

A mechanical problem on the plane

An obnoxious drunk

            What do these three have in common?  A common thought -- “oh no, it’s going to be one of those days!”

That’s the day I experienced and the thought I had a couple of days ago.  And the thought was becoming a fast-rushing train hurtling toward my peace of mind.  My day would be derailed if I didn’t gain control of that out-of-control thought. 

I’ll tell you what I did to get back on track, but first let me fill you in on the ingredients of that mess.

             It was one of those days…… Actually, it seemed like a few days.

The first problem – A three-hour traffic jam.  Jerry and I had been on a combination business/pleasure mini-vacation and were headed back to Phoenix when we saw cars lined up ahead of us.  There were no nearby exits; we were stuck.  We sat there, parking-lot style, for three hours. 

The next day we prepared to go home, ready to leave our problems behind.  But no.  We boarded the plane, taxied out to the runway when the pilot announced these dreaded words:  “Ladies and gentlemen, there’s a mechanical problem which requires us to return to the terminal for the mechanics to fix it.”

 We were stuck in the airplane for an additional hour which seemed like three.  It was already late at night, almost midnight, and I thought I’d try to rest a while.  But no.  An obnoxiously and obviously drunk lady behind us very loudly kept proclaiming we were all going to die! Even after we finally took off, she kept loudly cursing and laughing until I wanted to turn around and slap her! (In Christian love, of course)

I can assure you, I got no rest and exhausted, fell into bed after 1 AM 

The next morning at work it was tempting to wonder, “OK, what’s going to go wrong now?“

Well, I decided to change the direction of those thoughts because I know the enemy would love nothing more than for me to live in negativity, worry and defeat.  I think he’d love for all of us to live that way!

But I decided to stop that train and take charge of me.  I took a few minutes to read what God says about renewing our minds.  I took a few minutes to pray.  I took a few minutes to do my “shake and bake exercises and stretches” to change my thoughts, my energy, and my body. 

In just those few minutes. I began to feel calm and was able to focus on all the things I was grateful for in spite of those aggravating incidents.  We did not die.  We got home safely.  I changed my thoughts to joy and anticipation for the next adventure.  Because it is true that while we cannot always prevent what happens to us., we can change how we respond to it.  And sometimes, as in this case, we have to see how quickly we can rebound. 

Life isn’t about how fast you can run or how high you can climb….

It’s all about how well you can bounce! 

How do you handle life’s obstacles and irritants?  How fast and well can you bounce?  You probably have a different “formula” you follow to renew your mind, but contact me by commenting below if you would like more details about the steps I took. 


 

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Three Things To Stop To Be An Effective Woman

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3 Things To Start

Three Things To Stop:

2 Corinthians 5:17 – Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has gone; the new has come. 

  1.    Stop letting other people dictate how You feel about You.

Can happen – consciously – you’re very aware/hurt, etc. by what someone says about you – like my high school Home Economics teacher who said, “Barbra is an example of the way NOT to do this.” 

        Or unconsciously –which is actually more powerful – When my mother revealed her history of sexual abuse, she also helped me realize why my father held off being affectionate with me. He had promised his new bride, “you will never have to worry about that when we have children.” I recognized that unconsciously, I became “performance minded”  and a “people pleaser.” 

        Results of either/both:  always looking for others to help you feel good or OK about YOU.  You’re not self confident. 

 What is confidence, then? Confidence is not – “They will like me,” aka Sally Field, but rather…

 Confidence is:  “I’ll be fine if they don’t.”

Psychological term – External vs. internal validation

Everybody has their own insecurities about something.

        Look in the mirror – what do you notice?  Usually what’s “wrong” – what you don’t like about yourself.  And then you think everyone ELSE is looking at you.  Ann Landers said it this way many years ago: :

            At age 20, we worry about what other people think of us.

At age 40, we don’t care what they think of us.

At age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.

You know what I’ve discovered?  Even if people look at you, within 1-3 seconds, people go back to what they were doing.  Why?

Everyone’s busy with their own problems. 

In my book, “Yes! I Said No! - How To Set Healthy Boundaries and Increase Your Self Esteem,” I talk about developing thick, armor-plated skin and share my own example of this:in Chapter 10- (story of 2 people talking in hallway)

I discovered this truth: 

“Our worries aren’t supported by reality.”

People don’t judge you non-stop.  And even if they did, why do we assume they’d think negatively about us?  It might be good!

        How to STOP?  As I say in my book, 2 rules will help:

1.     If you can’t let the worry go within 24 hours, do something about it.

2.   Choose to assume people don’t think of you all the time and if even if they did, their thoughts would be nothing but positive. 

If you STOP the worry and replace it with a POSITIVE ASSUMPTION, (don’t leave a vacuum) – new neural pathways in your brain develop, taking you down a different track.

The Second STOP


(2)      Stop Looking For What’s Wrong

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Imagine you’re living in caveman days.  The men are out hunting and the women are left to tend the fire, watch after the kids and also keep an eye out for any hungry animals lurking around, just waiting for a chance to grab a chunk of meat roasting or maybe even to drag away a small child.  You have to be watching for danger all the time!  And women, with their brains wired to do several things at once, rise to the occasion! 

Fast forward to today, add 24-hour news programs focusing on the ills of society, and social media posts which quickly spread the word about others’ success by which we negatively compare ourselves and it’s no wonder we look for what’s wrong!  We assume if we can fix what’s wrong, we’ll be happy. 

        Wrong!  We can’t fix anyone (that includes our husbands and kids) and we wind up feeling disappointed and discouraged.  Marriage studies have revealed an interesting 90:10 ratio in marriages.  90% of the time we like our partner, 90% of the time we appreciate our lives, but what about that 10%?  That’s the hubby who doesn’t get the “honey-do” list done when you think he should, who never learns there’s a “right” way (your way, of course) to load the dishwasher, or other very important “stuff.” 

        I believe that same ratio exists in our world in general, because we’ve been taught to think this way. From the time we’re students who are told that yes, that B is ok but couldn’t you have done a little more and gotten an A?  If we get feedback, even if most of it’s good, what do we gravitate toward?  The one negative comment. 

        Are we doomed to keep looking for what’s wrong?  What’s not enough?  What’s not yet done?  We even complain to God that things are not happening as soon as we think they should! 

        I have to remember something I posted the other day:  “Most things worth having usually take longer than we thought they would, and are more difficult than we think we can endure.” 

        Vow today that you will follow Paul’s advice:  “Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”  (Philippians 4:7)
 

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 3.   Stop being afraid – to face the past, to have a dream, to ask for what you want. 

 

 

The tree trunk speaks!

J ust Say No! 

Just Say No! 

When it's even carved into tree trunks, you have to pay attention! Say no to the wrong things - the time grabbers, the people who leave you feeling sad and bad, or keep you dependent on them.

You'll then have the energy, passion and self confidence to say yes to risk, growth and things you love

Five Tips for Summer Fun

Five Tips For Summer Fun

    The Potter's House of Denver's staff and leadership team recently filmed a promotion for the upcoming all-church Summer Blast, an event with food, games, and ministry opportunities.  Our pastor emphasized this was to be a time of joy and laughter, and the video needed to demonstrate that.  

    Under the TV Ministry’s direction, we released balloons, squirted each other – and the pastor - with water pistols and super-soakers as well as water balloons.  We acted like kids at a water park and sure enough, we had great fun!  We also experienced joy, laughter and a true spirit of camaraderie as we worked together to show people having fun together.    

    You might not undertake something so elaborate, but you can easily and inexpensively find ways for your own family to spend time together laughing, learning and creating warm memories.

    Here are some ideas:

  • Have your own water fight – you can buy a few water pistols, splash in the pool or spray each other with the garden hose.  Kids especially love to drench mom and dad, and laughter is guaranteed.

  • Become a tourist in your own state.  My husband grew up in Arizona but never visited the Grand Canyon until he moved away.  We live in Colorado, but it was our friends from Texas who introduced us to some fantastic mountain scenery.

Hanging Lake by Glenwood Springs CO

Hanging Lake by Glenwood Springs CO

       

  • Create memorable moments.  I’ll always remember the Sunday morning we were traveling with a group of church friends and stopped by the side of the road overlooking Ouray, “The Little Switzerland of Colorado.”  We shared a loaf of bread and bottle of grape juice as we participated in communion.  Memorable?  You bet!  It just took a little planning and stopping by the grocery store.  

  • Give the gift of an experience.  I was pleasantly surprised to hear that my young niece preferred going with her mom for a manicure and pedicure than to receive the normal “birthday present.”  When you offer an older child the choice of a gift or an experience, you might be amazed yourself when they choose a new adventure.    

  • Learn  and play -  A day with mom or dad learning how to prepare dinner or ride a bike is a wonderful treat for both the adults and the kids.  Little girls love to play “grown-up,” go to the grocery store, get all the ingredients for a meal and then fix it, messes and all.  And my grown son still remembers as a boy how his dad spent one summer teaching him how to throw a football, practicing again and again until he got it right.  

  What can you do this summer to ensure you have lots of laughter, fun and memorable moments?  You don’t have to take a world cruise or go to Disneyland; have a water fight in your own backyard!